T3-Addictions

The rush of a first kiss as it tingles on my life's, the warmth of a lingering and rather lengthy hug before every class, the way my hands get shaky when we're together. This is my addiction. I love being in a relationship. Single life doesn't work for me. It makes me feel worthless, alone, frightened. Some people use their relationships as a happy place. They're wrong; a relationship isn't just for happiness. It's also for feeling wanted, feelings important to someone, and the feeling that nothing could go wrong, you have somebody to talk about everything with. I 'use' relations for happiness, completeness, and just because I really like that person, and have feelings for them. It helps me get my mind off of home problems, it makes screaming and yelling just sound like soft whispers rushing through one ear and right out of the other. Love isn't a serious addiction though. Some may argue whether it's even an addiction at all. It's not like heroin, which you strive to feel normal, or alcohol, which makes you feel complete (but really it's making you lose everybody in your life.) Love is an addiction to feel complete without physically harming yourself, or others. However, love could cause mental harm. For example, if we have a horrible, rashing fight, or if we break up, I feel as if the wrong is coming to an end, and that I'll never find another love to make me feel the way I do when I'm with that person. I'm not saying everybody is addicted to love, and feels the need to 'have' it, but many do. I believe in love, but not marriage. Love does not always have to lead to what people say it does. I don't need sexuality for love, marriage for love, or even a relationship for love. Many times my best guy/girl friend can show me what love is. Even if we are not dating, or kissing, their hugs and the way they treat me are enough to make me feel loved. Love makes me feel the jolt of electricity, the warmth of sitting next to a fire on a chilly summer night, or the chills of the first bite of ice-cream. It makes me feel complete. And most of all, it makes me want more of it. While heroin and alcohol are much more harmful, love has a few of their qualities. For instance, it takes and pushes me away from my life, drags me away from my friends and family, and how it brings me to a pleasurable state by naturally un-natural ways. It can give me a 'trip' of happiness, and can be almost irresistible. When people talk about their 'addictions', the first thing that comes to my mind is harmful ones, with illegal substances, drugs, and alcohol. It's almost as though many of the mind absorbing addictions are fake; that they don't exist in the mind. The 'Can't Eat, Can't Sleep, Reach for the Stars, Over the Fence, World series kind of Stuff" from the 1995 movie It Takes Two can help me describe love and it's irresistibly to feel like I need somebody in my life in order to be happy. I believe that Love is only real when it lasts with no pauses, no kept secrets, and if it is true. The elderly I see holding hands through Wal-Mart, sharing a soft pretzel at the mall, hugging while one is on the hospital bed, or even just sharing a quick peck on a park bench are what I consider true love. Not being afraid of what others may think, just focusing on my life partner, my lover, and even my best friend. Ignoring the out side world just trying to be with the one who makes me happy, and focusing all my attention to making sure I make them happy as well. My addiction may seem goofy, or not even worth talking about. But to me, it's what makes me feel complete. It's my addiction, and knowing that it's mine, makes it all the more real to me. Not just something made up that my mind just thinks is there.